I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
