I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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