I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
