If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
