Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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