My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
