It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
