i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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