Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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