Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
