you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I love you. Go after that dick
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
