She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
