our cab driver is having phone sex.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
