help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
