No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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