I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
