and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
