bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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