he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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