Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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