I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it's like iHOP with fire
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
