just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
