I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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