I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You don't make any sense
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