I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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