Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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