why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
