Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
