if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
