you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
