Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
