Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
