I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
