Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
