So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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