your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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