i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
