I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
