Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
