She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
