Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize