Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
this must be what syphilis tastes like
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
