i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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