i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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