I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
