Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
