There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
