in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
