i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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