So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
