SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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