We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
