discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
