I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
