wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
