I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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